by Dr. Karen Sherman www.drkarensherman.com Dr. Karen Sherman offers information to help couples deal with potential relationship difficulties. The Invitation Tango Your wedding day is almost here. The invitations have arrived from the printer and you can’t believe how beautiful they are! Your guest list has been ready for weeks and now it’s time to begin the chore of addressing the envelopes. Soon your guests will be receiving their invitations. Some invitees will respond immediately; others will call to share their delight before mailing their response cards. How happy everyone sounds for you! What fun this is! Then, without warning, someone calls to express some displeasure: A cousin may feel you slighted her because you did not invite her five-month-old baby, regardless of the fact that the wedding is going to be a black-tie evening affair. (It’s not that you forgot about the baby. You had decided that the wedding was not an appropriate setting for one so young. It might even interfere with the parents’ enjoyment of the celebration.) Distant relatives inform you that they are insulted that their teenager was not invited; after all, “what’s one more person?” (Obviously, they never stopped to consider the relevance of the teen’s presence at your wedding or the cost of your adding another person to the reception.) A “family messenger” informs you that your uncle is very upset that you have invited his former wife. (In reality, you have remained closer to her and rarely speak to your uncle.) Though you thought out your decisions carefully and had only the best intentions, I guarantee that there will be someone on your list who will not be happy. And that person will not recognize the fact that you agonized over every choice. This is your day, your very special day, and it is understandable that you would want and expect your wishes to take priority. However, a special occasion such as a wedding can bring out the emotional “quirks” of others. Sadly, these examples are not unique. Your response to these complaints will vary. You may choose to ignore the request. You may want to let the person know that you understand her feelings, yet hold to your original decision, with or without an explanation as to why. Or, you may decide to make a change and honor the person’s request. There is no quick or guaranteed solution. You will need to consider many aspects before choosing how you will handle each particular situation. Ask yourself these questions: How important is this person to me? Will this change make me feel uncomfortable? Will there be a potential breach in our relationship? How will this impact the cost of the wedding? Will there be implications for any of my other guests? Both the benefits and disadvantages must be weighed. Just remember that an important event like your wedding touches the emotional sensitivities of you and those around you. If you keep this in mind, whatever way you choose to handle these difficult decisions will go much more smoothly. When the actual time comes, all these little problems will be forgotten and everyone will share in the love and happiness of your special day. Copyright © Dr. Karen Sherman www.karensherman.com